Social media has become an integral part of teenagers' lives, but concerns about its impact on mental health continue to grow.

The Surgeon General’s recently issued advisory on social media use should serve as a wake-up call for parents; encouraging all of us to take proactive steps to protect our children’s mental health and ensure their safety online.

One such step is exploring the digital tools parents can use for monitoring activity and screening unsafe content. Below, we share our list of six recommended tools for your consideration.

Studies have found a long list of negative impacts associated with prolonged and unregulated online engagement.

They are, among others:

• Higher levels of social isolation

• Feelings of loneliness

• Depressive symptoms

• Feelings of inadequacy

• Low self-esteem

• Lower overall mental well-being

• Disruption of sleep patterns

• Disruption of melatonin production caused by blue light screens

• Compounded vulnerability to stress, anxiety, and depression caused by sleep deprivation

• Exposure to cyberbullying and online harassment, particularly if a teen is “canceled,” and increased risk of suicidal ideation, which often ensues

What can we, as parents, do?

Our recent blog Parents Guide to Monitoring Social Media Use shared a number of strategies for protecting children’s mental health from the risks of social media. In response to the dozens of emails we have received asking for specific digital tools, we have compiled the below list.

These tools provide features such as content filtering, time limits, and activity monitoring, all of which can help you guide your teen’s social media interactions. Be sure to choose the tool that best aligns with your specific requirements based on your child’s age and needs.

6 Digital Tools for Parents:

1. Bark: Bark is a comprehensive parental control app that monitors your teen's social media activity for signs of cyberbullying, online predators, and inappropriate content. It uses advanced algorithms to analyze texts, images, and videos, providing alerts to parents when potential issues are detected. Bark supports multiple platforms and messaging apps, allowing you to stay informed and take appropriate action to ensure your teen's online safety.

2. Net Nanny: Net Nanny is a powerful parental control software that offers a range of features to manage your teen's social media usage. It enables you to block or filter inappropriate content, set time limits on social media apps, and monitor their online activity. Net Nanny provides real-time alerts and detailed reporting, giving you insights into your teen's digital behavior and helping you guide them toward responsible social media use.

3. Screen Time: Screen Time is a built-in feature available on many smartphones, including iOS and Android devices. It allows you to set limits on social media apps, control app access during specific hours, and even block certain apps entirely. Screen Time also provides reports on app usage, giving you a snapshot of how much time your teen spends on social media platforms.

4. Kaspersky Safe Kids: Kaspersky Safe Kids is a comprehensive parental control tool that offers social media monitoring and content filtering capabilities. It allows you to track your teen's social media activity, block inappropriate content, and set time limits on their social media usage. Kaspersky Safe Kids provides real-time alerts and detailed reports, helping you understand your teen's online behavior and protect them from potential risks.

5. Life360: Life360 is primarily a location-sharing and family networking app, but it also includes features for parental control. It enables you to set time limits on social media use, monitor app usage, and receive notifications when your teen arrives or leaves specific locations. Life360 helps you strike a balance between your teen's social media engagement and offline activities, fostering a healthy and responsible digital lifestyle.

6. MMGuardian: MMGuardian is a comprehensive parental control app that provides social media monitoring and management features. It allows you to block specific apps, set time limits on social media use, track your teen's location, and receive alerts for potentially harmful online behavior. MMGuardian offers additional features like web filtering and text message monitoring, giving you a comprehensive toolset to ensure your teen's online safety.

We hope you find these tools helpful, and reiterate that it is equally important to establish open and ongoing conversations with your teen about responsible social media use.

Encouraging healthy online habits and maintaining your teen’s interest in offline activities will not only protect their mental health but will encourage a well-rounded lifestyle that will yield benefits for years to come.

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Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC

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]]>Surgeon General: “Social Media & Youth Mental Health” Plus 6 Digital Tools for ParentsDaniel HoltWed, 03 May 2023 14:04:00 +0000https://www.anchoragepartners.com/blog/parents-guide-to-monitoring-social-media-use62b8e7c88c39ad7d5c57ae5e:62ba6389108a712d39bc2765:6436b1f673777e0a66e39237

If the internet was a place, would you let your child go alone?

Social media has become an integral part of the lives of children and adolescents. But while it provides opportunities for increased social connection and self-expression, numerous studies have shown that social media use can have significant negative impacts on teen mental health.

Protect your children’s mental health from the risks of social media use by putting these basic steps into practice. Doing so will create habits that will help them both now and in the future.

Step 1: Parental Monitoring

Parental monitoring involves tracking your child's online activities and interactions. Know what platforms they are on, and be aware of both the type of content they are consuming and the nature of conversations they are involved in. It may make for some difficult initial conversations, but research shows that parental monitoring and open communication can help reduce the negative impacts of social media on adolescent mental health. (McRae et al., 2020)

Step 2: Time Limits and “Screen-Free” Periods

Setting limits around social media use can also help protect your child's mental health. Establish daily time limits and set rules for “screen-free” periods such as dinner time, family time, or wind-down periods before bed. This can train your child to develop healthy habits around social media use that will yield positive results for years to come.

Step 3: Encourage Offline Activities

Encouraging your child to engage in offline activities can also significantly improve their psychological well-being. As increased physical activity correlates with better mental health, excessive social media use is correlated with decreased physical activity and increased sedentary behavior, both of which have a well-documented negative impact on mental health. (Carson et al., 2021). Your child’s participation in extracurricular activities, sports, or hobbies can help them develop skills, nurture friendships, and cultivate interests that will build self-esteem, reduce stress, and improve their overall mental health.

Step 4: Teach Your Child About Online Safety

Helping your child understand the importance of online safety will train them to step away from negative content or interactions before they turn into negative experiences. This includes teaching them about cyberbullying, online predators, and how to protect their personal information. Encourage them to report any negative experiences to you or another trusted adult. Cyberbullying is a common occurrence on social media, and has been shown to have a serious and lasting impact on teen mental health, resulting in an increased likelihood of depression and lower self-esteem (Beran & Li, 2021).

Step 5: Model Healthy Social Media Use

As a parent, you can model healthy social media use for your child. This includes setting boundaries around your own social media use, such as not using your phone during meals or before bed. It's also important to avoid oversharing personal information or engaging in negative behaviors such as cyberbullying, trolling, and sharing or engaging with divisive, inflammatory, or hateful rhetoric. Parents who model healthy social media use have children who are more likely to use social media in healthy ways and will have better mental health outcomes as a result (Madden et al., 2020).

Step 6: Encourage Open Communication

Encouraging your child to be open with you by explaining the risks and helping them understand that your desire for transparency is due to your concern for their well-being. Make sure that they feel heard and supported, so they know they can talk to you about any concerns they have. Establishing this rapport will help you identify negative behaviors or interactions that may be affecting their mental health.

Step 7: Seek Professional Help If Needed

If you feel your child may be experiencing negative mental health outcomes as a result of social media use, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. They may be struggling more than you realize. A mental health professional can help your child develop coping skills and strategies to manage the negative impacts of social media use. They can also provide support for any underlying conditions that may be exacerbated by spending too much time online.

 ***

Social media can be a great tool for enriching the lives of adolescents, but it comes with significant risks to teen mental health. Parents can mitigate these risks by monitoring and limiting social media use, encouraging offline activities, teaching kids about online safety, encouraging open communication, and seeking professional help when needed.

Taking the above steps will not only help protect the mental health of adolescents who engage with social media, it will also teach them valuable lessons that will help them responsibly navigate an increasingly connected world for years to come.

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Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC

References:

Beran, T. N., & Li, Q. (2021). Cyberbullying: Its nature and impact in secondary school students. Journal of Educational Research, 114(1), 21-31. doi: 10.1080/00220671.2019.1630159

Carson, V., Hunter, S., Kuzik, N., Wiebe, S. A., Spence, J. C., Friedman, A., & Tremblay, M. S. (2021). Systematic review of sedentary behavior and mental health in children and adolescents. Journal of Sport and Health Science, 10(2), 173-191. doi: 10.1016/j.jshs.2020.07.006

Madden, M., Lenhart, A., Cortesi, S., Gasser, U., Duggan, M., Smith, A., & Beaton, M. (2020). Parenting in the digital age. Pew Research Center. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/01/30/parenting-in-the-digital-age/

McRae, K. N., Fuller-Tyszkiewicz, M., & Richardson, B. (2020). Parental monitoring and communication as protective factors for adolescent social media use and psychosocial outcomes. Journal of Adolescence, 84, 168-177. doi: 10.1016/j.adolescence.2020.09.011

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]]>Parents' Guide to Monitoring Social Media UseDaniel HoltWed, 26 Apr 2023 13:24:00 +0000/blog/accountabilityorrevenge62b8e7c88c39ad7d5c57ae5e:62ba6389108a712d39bc2765:64249a83cf91e900be649f83

There was a time when what we now call “Cancel Culture” showed real promise in holding individuals and institutions alike accountable for the things they said and did.

Sadly, those calls for accountability have largely devolved into calls for revenge. There’s a difference.

***

Not long ago, social media – having subjected us to all manner of useless material for many years – suddenly became an incredible tool for right-sizing injustice. Dozens of incidents of racism, sexism, police brutality, corruption, and plain old-fashioned stupidity were seeing the light of day. Regular folks came together to demand accountability from those who broke the law or thought the rules just didn’t apply to them, and it was amazing. A great equalizer. A paradigm shift unlike anything we’d seen before. What an opportunity!!

Alas…it was brief.

If it bleeds it leads – on social media as anywhere else, and our newest iteration of collective action has taken a turn for the worse.   

Those who seek the affirmation of social media “likes and shares” are now rewarded for being hateful, spurred along under cover of anonymity by algorithms that naturally push inflammatory content. Offenses as minor as expressing an unpopular opinion can spark a virtual pile-on that can have life-changing consequences for the offender, with the “us vs. them” tribalism of recent years adding to the momentum. Too often, Cancel Culture is not focused on accountability, but revenge.

It’s easy to blur the lines between accountability and revenge when something offends us, but what are the characteristics of each?

Accountability:

Responsibility: Accountability involves taking responsibility for one's actions and recognizing the consequences that may follow.

Learning: It is an opportunity for growth and development, encouraging individuals to learn from their mistakes and work towards improvement.

Restoration: Accountability aims to repair harm, restore trust, and make amends to those affected by an individual's actions.

Fairness: It seeks to establish an equitable outcome, based on an impartial assessment of the facts and circumstances.

Addressing specific behavior: Accountability is primarily concerned with an individual’s actions or behavior, rather than the person as a whole.

Revenge:

Retaliation: Revenge seeks to punish or harm someone in response to perceived wrongs, rather than addressing the underlying issue.

Emotional responses: It often stems from feelings of anger, resentment, or humiliation, and is driven by a desire to make someone else suffer.

Escalation: Revenge perpetuates a cycle of violence or conflict, potentially provoking further retaliation from the targeted individual or group.

Attacking the individual: Revenge tends to focus on the person who committed the perceived wrong, rather than addressing their specific actions or behavior.

Lack of resolution: Revenge typically does not lead to long-term resolution or healing, often ignoring the root causes of the issue at hand.

***

We should all ask ourselves what our motivations are before engaging in vitriolic chatter online.

Seeking to “cancel” those who offend us will never dissuade anyone of offensive viewpoints or bring us, as a society, to greater equity or a shared understanding of how we treat each other.

People should be held responsible for the things they say and do, that’s accountability.

Trying to destroy the lives of those who make mistakes or offend us? That’s revenge.

There’s a difference.  

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Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC

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]]>Cancel Culture: Accountability? Or Revenge…Daniel HoltWed, 25 Jan 2023 15:00:00 +0000https://www.anchoragepartners.com/blog/when-teens-get-cancelled62b8e7c88c39ad7d5c57ae5e:62ba6389108a712d39bc2765:6424ec2fc32ed928ff8ccde6

“What happens if my kid gets ‘cancelled’?”

We’ve had many conversations with parents of teens in recent years. Every one of them nervously asks this same question.

Unfortunately, given our current social media environment, the anwer is not encouraging.

***

If your teenager gets “cancelled,” they will find themselves in the middle of a public shaming that is as quick as it is relentless. The ensuing days will likely subject your child to a relatively predictable pattern of negative outcomes:

1. Social ostracism: Shunned by their peers and community, cancelled teens are likely to experience feelings of isolation and loneliness.

2. Cyberbullying: Cancel culture often devolves into cyberbullying, with teens being subjected to harassment, threats, and other forms of abuse both online and in person.

3. Depression: Being publicly criticized and humiliated traumatizes teenagers. Anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues are frequently the result.

4. Reputational damage: Social shaming can also have devastating impacts on a teenager’s social status. Exclusion from social events may heighten fears that their friendships and reputation are beyond repair.

5. Loss of opportunities: A teenager who is cancelled will start to focus on the permanence of social media. They may feel their mistake will impact college and job prospects, compounding their distress about never being able to “recover” from the incident and have a promising future. This impression can foster a sense of hopelessness that is particularly damaging.

***

In contrast to the high school experience of generations past, teens now dwell in the parallel universe of social media, where “likes and shares” are the ultimate source of affirmation.

Incentivized to push the envelope for attention, it’s no wonder things can sometimes go too far. Teenagers make mistakes – we’ve all been there – but now those mistakes truly can follow them forever, and the impact can be devastating.

So what can you do?

Be prepared.

1. Have a conversation with your kid about the potential consequences of poor decisions.

2. Encourage them to conduct themselves as if “the camera is always on.”

3. It sounds harsh, but – depending on the kid and your level of concern – you might want to show them examples to drive the point home.

Should you one day find your child in the middle of a torrent of negative attention:

1.  Act quickly. Time is of the essence.

2. Contact a mental health professional. Your son or daughter may be in much greater distress than you realize.

3. Check out our recommendations in “Seven Steps to Help a Cancelled Kid” and put them into practice.

4. Reach out to us if you need advice. We’re here to help.

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Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC

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]]>When Teens Get CancelledGratitudeCrisis CommsDaniel HoltMon, 19 Dec 2022 19:37:00 +0000https://www.anchoragepartners.com/blog/yuletide-quarrels-are-politics-at-the-holidays-worth-it62b8e7c88c39ad7d5c57ae5e:62ba6389108a712d39bc2765:639cdcf1bcfa645ca8b76b83

Is the likelihood of political arguments in the coming weeks scrooging-up your holiday cheer?

If so, you’re not alone.

Most Americans have grown tired of constant conflict, with a recent Marist poll finding 42% of us “dreading” political discussions at holiday get-togethers.

Are you practicing your zingers as you sharpen your turkey knife?

If so, it may be a good time to think realistically about the potential outcomes of diving into divisive issues at the dinner table.

We all have at least ONE relative whose opinions seem to be somewhere between slightly misled and outright offensive. Maybe you used to agree to disagree, but these days both you – and they – have a harder time keeping quiet. (My thoughts on how we are being manipulated into constant conflict HERE.) We’ve all been there: an off-hand remark begets a response, then another, tempers flare and things fall apart.

It's always tempting to engage. But is it worth it?

Studies have found most Americans, when asked what activities provide them the greatest sense of meaning, put “time with family and friends” at the top of the list.

While our political perspective is one of the things we consider part of our identity, sometimes passionately so, it is a lesser priority and doesn’t make the list. Why? Because - as is a surprise to no one – politics does not make us happy.

Time with loved ones brings us joy. Politics does not.

So why are so many of us letting something that does not make us happy derail the very thing that we say we want the most? Great question, and one we should all be asking ourselves before gathering for cherished time with loved ones.

Before slipping into yuletide quarrels, ask yourself the following questions:

• What will the impact be on others present? Stress and discomfort? If so, respect the hard work your host has done to ensure everyone has a nice time, and don’t take the bait.

• Are you realistically going to change anyone’s perspective?

  It’s more likely the conversation will escalate and go off the rails.

  This is not a reflection on you or on them.

  The reality is special interests have spent billions wrapping the information we consume in inflammatory rhetoric focused on “likes,” “shares,” and “follows,” rather than facts or objectivity. The unfortunate result is that we, and those we disagree with, are increasingly living in parallel worlds where even the most basic facts are up for debate. This is probably NOT a nut you’re going to crack while passing the sweet potatoes.

• What’s your real priority? Whatever mind-bending conspiracy theory or absurd social media post comes up will be entirely forgotten before your next holiday. Chances are your priority is the relationship with your loved one, so consider the potential cost before engaging. They likely have a good heart, as do you, or at least you have some shared history. Focus on that.

Meaningful relationships take years to build.

They also provide us critical support through life’s inevitable challenges.

If, like most Americans, time with family and friends is at the top of your priority list; approach the coming weeks mindful of staying focused on what’s most important to YOU, not someone else.

You’ll be glad you did.

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Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC

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]]>Yuletide Quarrels: Are Politics at the Holidays Worth It?Crisis CommsGratitudeLeadershipSustainabilityCancel CultureDaniel HoltWed, 28 Sep 2022 14:52:00 +0000/blog/7stepsforcancelledkids62b8e7c88c39ad7d5c57ae5e:62ba6389108a712d39bc2765:632b86b72bd2da2dc59e6141 Blog RSS

“He said his life is over and he wants to give up.”

Overwhelmed with emotion, the voice on the other end of the phone was silent for a long time.

I was speaking with the distraught parents of a kid who had said something that should never be said. Someone recorded it and it went viral. “He thought he was being funny, but he knows better. This is not who he is.” his dad said. “He’s gotten in with the wrong group of friends and he was trying to fit in.”

Within two days he was suspended from school and kicked out of all the clubs he had been involved in.

All his friends disappeared – even those he’d had since childhood. He was relentlessly bullied; physically harassed in person and verbally attacked online. He received death threats from strangers. His biggest passion was baseball – he wanted to play in college and was hoping for a scholarship – but he was kicked off the team. He was told he had been “cancelled.” He was 15 at the time.

“Cancel culture” is a term that is new to few of us. But while it is increasingly perceived as a toxic element of the social media age, it has its roots in something not only admirable, but long past due: the ability for us regular-folk to act en-masse in calling out powerful interests.

Early examples of cancel culture were about accountability.

Social media was used, with great effect, to apply pressure to corporations whose statements in support of diversity, gender equality, environmental stewardship and a host of other issues just didn’t measure up against their practices.

A generation of socially aware consumers were telling the big dogs to change their ways, or their money would be spent elsewhere. Greed, abuse, and harassment were exposed in all manner of institutions, bringing vindication to those who had previously suffered when speaking out. Finally we had a voice, and it felt great. But before long the tone began to shift.

Fast forward a couple years, and many of us found social media to be an available (though ultimately unhelpful) outlet for our increasing stress in response to covid, inflation, racial injustice, Russia, the frightening polarization of America, and a host of other problems. But our discourse around every possible issue had quickly devolved, with hateful name-calling and disassociation putting another nail in the coffin of civil discourse with each passing day. (See my thoughts on breaking the conflict cycle here).

No one has ever been dissuaded of their ill-informed or even hateful opinions by being attacked, yet that has become our most common response. Instead of seeing disagreements as opportunities to welcome those we disagree with to the table, where they can learn that whoever or whatever they have been taught to hate isn’t so bad, we instead deny their humanity, tempers flare, and down we go.

At current, social media outrcy in response to corporate corruption, individual bad deeds, offensive statements, and even strong differences of opinion has largely shifted from amends to revenge. Though it is entirely possible to hold people accountable without destroying their lives, their destruction is often what we’re after; focusing not on education, engagement, and healing; but firings, isolation, expulsion, and abandonment.

As grown-ups and as parents, we know that kids pay very close attention to our behavior. They do as we do. When it comes to the way we conduct ourselves on social media; we are failing them.

Picure this negative paradigm applied to the social jockeying, insecurity, and frequently unkind melodramas of high school life….then add cancel culture.

As someone who has helped numerous families navigate the minefield of a child being cancelled, I can tell you that these forces have morphed into something very destructive in high schools across America.

Teens can find themselves cancelled for a number of reasons; saying something offensive, being accused of doing something harmful, or simply falling out of favor – which is often the most painful to witness. In all instances, the ensuing social media clamor spreads through their high schools and surrounding communities like wildfire.

In a matter of hours, cancelled teens are exposed to some of the cruelest and most damaging bullying of their lives.

Friends and classmates begin parroting the same vitriol they see shared by anonymous strangers; desperate to distance themselves from the current target for the sake of their own survial, and terrified the social media mob will serve them “cancel by association” next.

Alarmingly, parents are often part of the problem; feeding the rumor mill and validating, rather than correcting, the unkindness they hear from their children.

Do you remember what it felt like to be in trouble when you were a kid? The sinking feeling in your stomach as you squirmed through difficult conversations with parents, teachers, coaches, maybe even the police? The need to deal with things discreetly was generally understood, with all involved hoping you could take your medicine, make amends, and get on with your life.

Now it’s different. Cancel culture means a kid, by law still a minor, is subjected to massive public ridicule.

Their friends disappear, they get kicked off teams, are handed suspensions, and even see their admissions letters get withdrawn. They feel their entire world has fallen apart around them, and the one thing their parents are always talking about – their future – looks pretty grim.

While this behavior hides behind a veneer of accountability or social activism; it is neither. It is bullying. The many heartbreaking stories about teenagers - and even grade school students - committing suicide after being bullied online remind us that the stakes are high, and that admirable efforts to curtail such behavior too-often have little material impact on the day to day lives of students. As one cancelled and bullied high schooler said to me a while back: “I guess the anti-bullying stuff never quite makes it down to my level.”

In most cases, the incident that causes a kid to be cancelled involves something that is indisputably offensive, but that they should nonetheless be allowed - and encouraged - to learn and recover from.

Sadly, they are often not given the chance.

I have seen clubs, teams, and even schools refuse them an opportunity to say they’re sorry, as heartfelt apologies to friends go completly ignored. I’ve seen school administrators put out blustery press releases and then vanish completely, letting teachable moments about how we treat one another through our challenges and despite our differences just slip away.

Of course, there are many unapologetic offenders out there. When my prospective client screen uncovers a pattern of problematic behavior, I suggest they look elsewhere. But by and large these kids are willing to do to work. They genuinely listen to and learn from those whom they have hurt, and as a result emerge from these harrowing experiences as better versions of themselves; much wiser and better prepared to be socially engaged contributors in whatever communities their futures lead them to.

It’s time we examine ourselves. We have walked our kids into the perfect storm of bad outcomes. Unless we, or our kids, have never made a mistake, we have a responsibility to show the same grace and forgiveness to others that we have been shown in the past, or that we hope will be shown in the future if the cancel crowd comes for our kids. (My thoughts on the benefits of forgiveness here.)

In the event your child is cancelled for something offensive they’ve said or done, engage a mental health professional right away to ensure they are safe. Don’t wait. They may be struggling more than you realize.

As a parent, you can help them through the difficult period they are in and begin the reparative process by taking the following steps:

1. Act quickly

If you find yourself wondering if it’s time to take action, you’ve waited too long. News spreads fast, social circles adjust quickly, and friends move on. Once your teen falls out of favor it can be hard to recover, even if the inciting incident is forgotten. Time is of the essence.

2. Don’t be angry with them. Listen.

You don’t need to tell them they messed up. Believe me, they get it. There’s a good chance they feel the world is falling apart around them, and the four walls of your home may be the only place they’ll feel safe for a while. Make sure to keep it that way.

Focus on getting them to share as much as they will about how they are feeling. They may feel surprised that their friends have dismissed them so quickly, or they may share examples of other things that other kids have done to show that they are being treated unfairly. Hearing them out and validating their feelings will help them process the immense stress they are experiencing.

3. Document

These incidents often spiral out of control due to a complete lack of accountability. If you see hateful or threatening posts about your kid, take screenshots and save them. As you reach out to school administrators or others you’d like to speak with about the incident and ensuing bullying, save emails and document conversations. While many institutions have publicly available cyber-bullying policies, some take little action when it actually occurs. You have a right to hold them accountable if they are negligent in enforcing their policies, especially if it impacts the well-being of the kids in their care.

4. Engage adults who have been influencial in their lives

Counsellors, pastors, rabbis, coaches, teachers, mentors, etc. Any worth their salt will rise to the occasion. They will understand the difficult experience your child is going through and will be eager to play a pivotal role in helping them get through it and rebuild towards a positive future.

5. Take a break from social media

If they’ve been cancelled due to an offensive incident, engaging in online chatter about it will make things worse. Other than that, they’ll be scrolling for hateful comments about themselves, which won’t do them any good. Keep them off social media until you have a strategy in place.

6.    “Be boring.”

Help them understand that “the camera is always on,” especially after such an incident. Encourage them to model good behavior at all times, and to make sure they don’t let themselves get baited into an argument by those who want to add fuel to the fire.

7.    Lay the groundwork for rebuilding

Have a frank discussion with your teen about the impact of their actions. Talk to them about whom they’ve hurt, and do your best to help them understand why. When most kids do or say something offensive, at least in my experience, they are speaking less out of animosity and more out of ignorance. Help them process what it is they have learned and how it has changed them.

We have time. It’s still possible for us to un-learn the negative way we engage with those with disagree with. It’s also possible for us to change the way we react to someone who does something offensive.

As to the young man I mentioned above; he faced his peers and apologized. He engaged with the community he had offended, made several good friends in the process, and decided he would speak very openly - including in his college essays - about what he did and the difficult lessons he learned. He’s currently in his sophmore year at his #1 choice (a top 20 school).

Thankfully, even in the social media age, it is still possible to hold people accountable for the things they say and do without destroying them.

Whether or not we are able to do it will be a testament to how much strength of character remains within us not only as individuals, but as a society.

When people make mistakes, they have a responsibility to make amends, learn, and grow.

It takes work. That’s on them.

How we react?

That’s on us.

Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC

If you or someone you know needs advice, contact us via email for a consultation, or click here to schedule a call.

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]]>What to Do if Your Kid Gets CancelledCrisis CommsCancel CultureDaniel HoltWed, 03 Aug 2022 14:07:00 +0000/blog/thefirstcrisiscall62b8e7c88c39ad7d5c57ae5e:62ba6389108a712d39bc2765:62ba6389108a712d39bc276a Blog RSS

The first crisis call is almost always the same.

I hear from the friend of someone who has done or said something wildly inappropriate. “He/She is a good person. They just said something stupid.”

The second call is with the individual. Distraught, isolated, and worried about the end of their career, they tell me that they were trying to be witty/funny/relatable, and it came out all wrong. That their mistake is not an indication of who they are. I then put them through a few paces, look for pattern behavior, and decide if I want to help based on whether or not they are being honest.

In most instances, they are. Their employers (or school administrators) often know this is the case, but find it nearly impossible to stand up to social media pressure demanding a firing or expulsion.

There is one word I almost never hear in these situations: forgiveness.

Forgiveness means we understand that good people make mistakes, we all do. Forgiveness allows us to use catalyzing moments to set an example of how we can learn from each other, how we can grow together, and how we can better understand the beautiful and fascinating racial, cultural, and spiritual diversity that make our country great.

One of the origins of the word character means “imprint on your soul.” Child development experts say that the way we build character is by taking the hard road.

We can’t control what comes out of the mouths of others, but we can control how we respond. Showing forgiveness – especially when its hard – not only heals division, but it builds character, it better prepares us for life, and it makes an “imprint on our soul.”

That alone makes it worth the effort.

Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC

If you or someone you know needs advice, contact us via email for a consultation, or click here to schedule a call.

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]]>The First Crisis Call…Crisis CommsSocial MediaDaniel HoltWed, 06 Jul 2022 14:07:00 +0000/blog/howdoweescapetheconflictcycle62b8e7c88c39ad7d5c57ae5e:62ba6389108a712d39bc2765:62ba6389108a712d39bc276cBlog RSS

The nature of our current discourse around every conceivable issue seems to be at an all-time low. Our ability to “agree to disagree” has all but vanished, and escalating divisions now affect our friendships, our families, and even our mental health.

Why is this happening? Because powerful interests are using sophisticated techniques to gain wealth and influence by telling us to be furious with each other.

We are at a critical juncture, and unless each of us is willing to look in the mirror and ask ourselves what value most, we – and everyone we know - will continue down a very damaging path. How do we break the cycle? By using a tool crisis communicators regularly employ to bridge divisions: Empathy.

A political consultant explained the cost-efficiency of negative campaigning to me many years ago.  “Negative ads sway voter opinion at a rate of as much as 7x that of positive ads. We don’t like it, but we want to win.” In the social media era, this vulnerability in human psychology is exploited by thousands of influencers who have financial incentive to push out the most inflammatory content possible – facts be damned - because it gets them the most followers and brings them the greatest ad revenue. The manipulation which used to be an insider’s game for electioneers is now coming at us 24 hours a day through our social media accounts, and doing immeasurable harm to every facet of our social discourse. (I’ll save the issue of foreign interference for another time.)  

If we are waiting for the grown-ups to step in and tell us to knock it off, we are waiting in vain. Few leaders remain who have the backbone to stand up against the divisive rhetoric pulling their respective parties to extremes, and even when they do, algorithms ensure we won’t see it anyway because, goshdarnit, it’s just so much more fun to watch screaming fools accuse each other of destroying western civilization.

This is well-trod territory; angry people vote more and pile more money into the coffers of special interests, especially when they are told why they should be angry and who they should blame. But in the social media era we are letting this old paradigm damage relationships with those we care about in new ways.

Do you have at least one crazy friend or relative with whom you’ve always avoided discussing politics? The right-wing uncle who is painful to listen to, the life-long buddy who is undeniably half nuts, or the cousin who you know is poised to give you a speech on Thanksgiving if she says pass the broccoli and you accidentally hand over the mashed potatoes? You’ve always known what subjects to avoid, and did so because family and friendships were much more important. Maybe you showed them a little extra patience because you know the real cause of their frustration. Maybe life didn’t turn out how they expected. Maybe they have truly struggled, and maybe you have too. You still loved them, and that was enough. You had empathy.

Have those realities changed so much?

The problem we are now faced with is that wealthy interests from both ends of the spectrum have found their way to our table. They have done so by convincing us that we are under attack by forces so powerful, so evil, and so hell-bent on destroying everything we hold dear that we must stop them at all costs. After all, who has time for empathy when the stakes are so high?

The reality is we are being manipulated. Opposing echo chambers are using distorted facts and very effective digital tools to blast their inflammatory messaging straight into the hearts and minds of agitated keyboard warriors who are so committed to the fight for truth and justice they are ready to fight to the digital death, or so they would have you believe. Studies show that the disenfranchised and disillusioned flock towards extreme perspectives because they help them make sense out of a system they feel has failed them, and because they find a sense of identity and validation in the company of the like-minded. Your uncle and your cousin, for their part, have never been able to agree, but you notice that the less they talk, the more they are able to forget about each other’s humanity. They forget about the struggles. The empathy goes away. If they can’t get through it, what hope is there for the rest of us? What can we do? We can start by asking ourselves a few questions:

Are we really all that different? The perspective of those you disagree with – however messed up it may seem – is a result of their being subjected to an entirely different version of reality. If you are willing to dismiss them out of hand by calling them “crazy” or “stupid,” or you truly believe they are trying to “destroy America,” there’s a good chance the us vs. them tribalism threatening to consume us has manipulated you into what is, essentially, a failure of empathy.

How much are we willing to sacrifice? We all have strong beliefs, and civic engagement is critical to the survival of our democracy. Everyone should be involved. But study after study has shown that one of the things we all value most is time with loved ones. If we are suddenly willing to put that at risk for the sake of expressing an opinion, it’s worth asking ourselves: who has convinced us such a sacrifice is necessary?

Are the arguments at hand really what we’re so upset about? The ongoing impacts of covid have brought many people to the breaking point, especially those who were already at the brink financially. Is hammering through another heated exchange likely to change anyone’s mind? Or can we find other ways to engage and acknowledge each other that preserve the relationships we all rely upon to get through difficult times?

It's past time for us to realize that the real enemy is not those we disagree with, but the erosion of civilized discourse.

Empathy allows us to “agree to disagree.” The moment we allow ourselves to be convinced that those we disagree with are not deserving of our empathy is the moment the echo chambers – and the powerful interests that make money as they grow – win. This would be a grave mistake. Dangerous events of recent years have shown us that the stakes are high, and all signs indicate it’s about to get worse.

What can each of us do to get ahead of it with our friends, colleagues and loves ones? Remember that we are all people trying to get by, and you may be the only thing keeping them from going full-fringe.  Don’t shut them out, just change the subject. Skip the labels that do irreparable harm. Agree to disagree. Validate each other. Most importantly, remember that your most cherished relationships are much more important than the powers that seek to divide them. Let the special interests do their own work, they can afford it.

The real way to show our patriotism is not to demonize the fellow Americans we disagree with, but to preserve the social discourse our democracy has always relied upon. As we are all lucky to be here, we should expect at least this much from each other, and from ourselves.

So be patient with your uncle, call your cousin, text your buddy, and enjoy your time together.

Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC.

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]]>How Do We Escape the Conflict Cycle?Crisis CommsGratitudeDaniel HoltWed, 01 Jun 2022 14:07:00 +0000/blog/maketimetosaythankyou62b8e7c88c39ad7d5c57ae5e:62ba6389108a712d39bc2765:62ba6389108a712d39bc2768

I received sad news not long ago about the death of one of my favorite college professors. I had always meant to reach out and tell him how much I appreciated him. For some reason, I never did.

I thought of what I would say in a note to his wife expressing my condolences. I’d tell her that he inspired me to public service. That it was his passionate counter-culture + pragmatism ethos that compelled me to the gritty world of politics to fight for the vulnerable, and that it was an incredible ride. I’d tell her I was sorry I hadn’t told him when he was around.

I then made a stunning realization: the person that told me of his passing had made a mistake! I had a second chance. I finished my message of gratitude and sent it right away. He was surprised… and incredibly grateful.

The regret I felt, even for a few minutes, made me think. Who are the people I have not thanked? Who are the ones whose outsized impact on my life I have not yet acknowledged?

I decided to do a “gratitude challenge.” Every day for one week I reached out (via phone, text, or email) to someone who had played a significant role in my life. I told them how much I appreciated their teaching, their love, their mentorship, or their friendship. They were all incredibly grateful. Several said how much it meant to them in such a stressful time.

I’d like to challenge some of you to do the same. Reach out to one person each day and let them know how much you appreciate them and why. I think you’ll be blown away by the response.

Anyone in? Comment below if so, and share if you’d like to challenge others. I’d love to know how it goes.

Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC.

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]]>Gratitude Challenge…LeadershipManagementDaniel HoltWed, 04 May 2022 14:07:00 +0000/blog/onesteptogreatleadership62b8e7c88c39ad7d5c57ae5e:62ba6389108a712d39bc2765:62ba6389108a712d39bc2766 Blog RSS

As a leader, you want your team to be high-performing and happy. You also want to know you had a role in helping them become both.

With study after study identifying “poor management” as one of the most common causes of job dissatisfaction, low productivity and destabilizing turnover, you’re determined to lead your team in a way that ensures they - and you - are best suited to achieve your mission.

But there are a dozen ways to handle every management decision…and you’re busy. It’s hard enough to accomplish all you need to do without having to navigate the promises of hundreds of management books, each one touting its unique magical solution, and none of which you have time to read.

How to proceed? It’s simpler than you think. Most leadership challenges can be solved - or at least made much easier - by consistently following one basic rule. It will put a set of principals into place that will improve your team's performance across the board.

What's the rule? The Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Manage as you would prefer to be managed. Your team will notice, and you'll be a better leader for it. Stick to these guidelines to put it into practice:

1. Be Clear

Ambiguity can be frustrating. If your team works on a project based on what they think are your objectives, and later have to redo much of the work, it causes frustration and can feel disrespectful. Take the time to think through what success will look like to you before you delegate. Role delineation, status reports, deadlines and - most importantly - your vision for the final product.

Encouraging your team to think out of the box and bring you some ideas is great, but only once you’ve thought about various outcomes and made the determination yourself that something new or different is what you want. If this type of open-ended direction becomes your default when you simply haven’t thought about what you want, your team will figure it out quickly, and will feel like you don’t respect their time/efforts. Take the time to set expectations.

2. Be Honest...Then Be Kind

If you’ve been clear and your expectations were not met, tell your team or team member how/why that is the case. They need to know, and it is your responsibility to tell them, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. But then find something nice to say. It’s sometimes difficult to be positive when you’re disappointed, but providing some encouragement will go a long way to mitigating the negative impact of your disproval. It’s tempting, especially for new managers, to let professional pride get in the way here; “He/she didn’t do what I asked – why should I have to sing their praises?” But the reality is this approach will help maintain a positive rapport with your team member, which will encourage them to both address your current concerns and give their best effort next time as well.

If there’s absolutely nothing good to say about their work on the relevant project, tell them their positivity means a lot to the team. Tell them their subject matter expertise is a great asset, or how often their institutional knowledge has come in handy, or thank goodness you’re not the ONLY Yankees fan in the entire building…tell them something, just don’t let them walk away without hearing a positive comment or observation from you.

No one enjoys negative feedback, even if they’ve earned it, and people get less done when they are discouraged. The extent to which this small step may prevent diminishing performance in the face of the negative feedback makes it more than worth the small amount of effort it will take.

3. Give the Credit

People know you’re the boss, and the best way to show competence and confidence in your role is to readily and publicly give praise to your team for their successes.

It’s tempting to project personal ownership on every one of your team’s victories. People know you’re the boss, and the best way to show competence and confidence in your role is to readily and publicly give praise to your team for their successes.

Protect them in the event someone expresses dissatisfaction with their work, and quietly discuss the matter with them for next time. Colleagues up and down the chain of command will respect and admire you for it, and the reputation boost will be a big help with future collaboration. Lastly, of course, it’s just a better way to conduct yourself.

4. Take the Blame

Conversely, your team’s mistakes are your mistakes. If your boss asks you about something that is other than what they expected, offer your apologies and tell them it will be improved next time. While “oh so and so on my team did that, sorry” seems innocuous enough, if it gets back to your staff member they’ll never forget it. Additionally; you just made it clear to your boss that you would throw them under the bus to protect yourself, and distrust is not good for either of you. Go back to the relevant staff member and privately establish a different protocol for review or oversight, but never call out a team member to someone outside the team.

5. Take One-On-Ones Seriously

Continually rescheduling check-ins communicates to your team that neither they nor their time are important to you.

Regular one-on-ones with your team are critically important to maintaining a strong rapport, expressing appreciation, discussing areas for improvement, showing interest in their longer-term goals and – frankly – just making it clear that you are interested in how they are doing. We’re all busy, but continually rescheduling check-ins – as common as it may be – is a mistake, and one which communicates to your team that neither they nor their time are important to you. Not an idea you want to convey to the people you rely on most. Protect regular one-on-ones with staff at all costs. Your team will notice.

6. "The Troops Eat First"

This is a big one. Some leadership roles provide occasional perks, some do not. Baseball tickets, holiday party invitations, meeting a visiting special guest, the opportunity to interact with the “big boss,” whoever that may be. You worked for these small gestures of appreciation. You have a right to enjoy them to the fullest. But, realistically, the benefit of these things to you – professionally, emotionally, monetarily – is usually minimal. The benefit of personally sharing such an opportunity with a hard-working and oft-unnoticed member of your team could be immeasurable.

Depending on what it is, it may amount to a small gesture, or it could provide them an opportunity they will never forget. Take any opportunity you can to be generous with your team. It’s good for business. We all spend too much time with our colleagues to neglect moments of kindness.

7. Be Positive

We all want to feel a sense of purpose in the work that we do. We spend half our waking hours at work and, for better or worse, our jobs become an important part of our identity. We want to feel the many many hours we dedicate to our jobs each week are spent on an organization that is efficiently run and effective at what it does. Your team wants to feel that way too.

Negativity down the chain of command has a much more toxic effect on an organization than an occasional gripe between peers.

Every organization has challenges and problems. Every single one. We’ve all fallen into the trap of complaining at some point. But complaining is a contagious and immensely negative drain on organizational culture, and you are a representative of your organization to your team. As a manager; if you sound fed-up and hopeless, you risk creating in your staff the impression that everything over their heads that they don’t have insight into is a mess.

As a result, negativity down the chain of command has a much more toxic effect on an organization than an occasional gripe between peers. It risks instilling in your team the fear that they are putting their effort – their time and their sense of purpose – into an organization that is poorly run and therefore not capitalizing on their hard work. Your team’s motivation, drive and productivity can hang in the balance if you create a habit of complaining to them. In brief: don't do it.

8. Be Yourself

A trainer once said to me “The super-fit 5-days-a-week gym guy, the hard working career focused guy who works 60 hours a week, and the super social guy who’s out with friends three nights a week? Those are not the same guy. Ever. You can’t be all things at once.” This is true in the office, too. Everyone has strengths, weaknesses and - perhaps most importantly - time constraints.

Be honest with yourself, and your team, about what you’re good at and where you need support. Be honest about what you can actually accomplish in a day. Delegate the rest. As you rely on your team for support in areas where you’re not as strong, they will feel a heightened sense of ownership, and their commitment to the team’s success, and yours, will grow.

If You Forget Everything Else, Follow ONE Rule...

All of these guidelines have one thing in common, and it is the one rule I mentioned earlier. Do Unto Others. Manage as you would like to be managed. Treat your team as you would prefer your boss would treat you. Remember it, truly aspire to it, and most of the rest will take care of itself.

If you’ve had a boss who worked towards your strengths instead of piling on in your areas of weakness, do that for your team.

Sit down with the staff member who seems to be developing a 100 yard stare and ask them what initiatives they find exciting and want more of a hand in. They may surprise you.

Remember those who have challenged you, shared their knowledge and experience with you, supported you and given you opportunities to grow your skill set. Do the same for your team.

Your team will be more motivated, more productive, and more loyal. They'll have gratitude for your taking an interest in their development, and the fact that you helped prepare them for their future accomplishments will become part of your legacy. What a great way to scale your impact for minimal effort!

Last, and certainly not least, it’s the right thing to do.

*Have you seen changes in your team with this approach? Let us know!

Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC. Find them on Facebook and Twitter, and subscribe below for insights and updates.

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]]>ONE Step to Great LeadershipSustainabilityCorporate ResponsibilityDaniel HoltWed, 06 Apr 2022 14:07:00 +0000/blog/larrys-letter-sustainability-and-the-transformation-of-the-corporate-villain62b8e7c88c39ad7d5c57ae5e:62ba6389108a712d39bc2765:62fbfea80e54761874de6d63 Blog RSS

As business leaders, politicians, celebrities and all stripes of hangers-on strolled in and out of an immense array of sessions at the World Economic Forum’s annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland last week, the sujet du jour for the well-heeled at lunch plenaries, thought sessions, breakout rooms and cocktail tables was “Larry’s Letter.” A CEO’s statement to business leaders on the need to serve the public good, Larry’s Letter is a substantial acknowledgement of the heightening societal demand for C-suite offices, and the companies they operate, to focus on much more than the bottom line. If this comprehensive, growing and long-overdue shift continues in corporate culture, Hollywood may need to revisit one of its favorite bad guys.

Who’s Larry?

“Larry” is Larry Fink, founder and CEO of investment firm BlackRock. One week before Davos, Mr. Fink sent his letter to 400 CEO’s of some of the biggest public companies on earth, suggesting that – in addition to making money – they have a responsibility to meet public expectations that their companies serve a social purpose. Mr. Fink’s letter did not present specifics or directives, and contained notions that are new to few of us, recipients of his letter included. The significance of what he wrote comes via the profile of its sender: BlackRock Inc. controls $6.3 trillion in assets (yes, trillion with a T), making it the largest investment management company in the world. When Larry Fink talks, Wall Street listens.

His letter encouraged CEO recipients to respond to market demand for a sustainability-focused corporate strategy:

"To prosper over time, every company must not only deliver financial performance, but also show how it makes a positive contribution to society. Companies must benefit all of their stakeholders, including shareholders, employees, customers, and the communities in which they operate… What role do we play in the community? How are we managing our impact on the environment? Are we working to create a diverse workforce?” - Larry Fink

“Sustainability” isn’t new

The idea of corporations taking a more active role in social and environmental matters has had many names over the years; from the decades-old “capitalism with a conscience” and “people’s capitalism” to “corporate stewardship,” “corporate social responsibility,” “sustainability” and “sustainable enterprise,” among others. Those of us who have spent time in any of the now-numerous business schools where Sustainable Enterprise was first part of the curriculum (for my part, it was Kenan-Flagler 15 years ago, during my MPA work at UNC) heard first-hand success stories from corporations that had embraced sustainability and had come to court like-minded students who were interested in the “triple bottom line” business model; focused simultaneously on financial gain, environmental stewardship and the social good.

Yet some recipients reportedly bristled at an implication that BlackRock will be evaluating its holdings based, in part, on the extent to which their corporate strategy is reflective of Mr. Fink’s message:

“In the $1.7 trillion in active funds we manage, BlackRock can choose to sell the securities of a company if we are doubtful about its strategic direction or long-term growth.”

Billionaire investor Sam Zell remarked on CNBC in the ensuing days “I didn’t know Larry Fink had been made God.” BlackRock has, in the past, been accused of a “do as we say we do, not as we do” practice, as similar past statements have run counter to their activities, but the response seemed largely positive. Carlos Ghosn, chairman of car giant Renault-Nissan-Mitsubishi, made public statements in support of Mr. Fink’s message of societal betterment, as did Pepsi CEO Indra Nooyi. Pepsi could, of course, start in its own backyard by removing 4MEI, a cancer causing carcinogen which is still - inexcusably – included in its list of ingredients, but I digress.

New Market Demands

While the sincerity of some of Sustainability’s adherents can be called into question; there is little doubt that it is here to stay, and the market increasingly expects corporations to get on board. Deloitte’s 2017 “Millennial Survey” found that 87% of millennials worldwide believe that business success should be measured by more than just the strength of their balance sheet and their quarterly reports. In April 2016, the WSJ referenced data stating 78% of Americans agreed that “companies should take action to address important issues facing society.”

This approach runs counter to the long-held notion that profit is the singular goal of any corporation – at the expense of all else. As Milton Friedman famously stated in his September, 1970 piece in the New York Times Magazine: “The Social Responsibility of Business is to Increase Profits.” Such arguments are predicated on the notion that there is truly a “free market,” which – we are now more readily able to accept – has never been the case. “We’re here to make money,” “My responsibility is to the shareholders,” “We don’t get political,” and “We’re not a social services organization” are the kind of expressions which, in some quarters, fueled a corporate culture which dictated that you check your squeamishness at the door. If you were on the clock, it was quarterly results. Period. Activists of all stripes fought this mindset for many many years. Some for the entirety of their lives. That the very ideas they fought for are now voluntarily being introduced to many board rooms is evidence of the transformation that has begun.

Some critics have referred to this new approach as “renouncing capitalism,” and have spoken critically of activism within the ranks. But Fink himself notes that the role of activist investors is getting “bigger, not smaller,” and it should be. Even the most ardent free market economists are hard-pressed to deny that an escalating chorus of voices, from fund managers and CEO’s to investors and consumers, increasingly expect that corporate practices will be reflective of a desire to “do good” in the world, or - at the very least - “not do bad.”

New Paradigms

Corporations create jobs, support local economies, spur innovation, and create wealth. Without them society would ultimately collapse. But it is their collective influence that makes this paradigm shift so critically important, as those outliers who have historically - and notoriously - pursued money at all costs have blazed a path through history that has, figuratively and literally, laid waste to anyone and anything in its path.

Yet…while this antiquated profit-at-all-costs mindset is one that, blessedly, seems to be waning, it has produced dozens of phenomenal films about the consequences - sometimes unintended - of corporate greed run amok: Blade Runner, Aliens, Soylent Green, Terminator and Robocop, to name a few. We’ve supported the plight of those who have become victim to it or risen up to fight, in Silkwood, Erin Brockovich, The International, A Civil Action and a host of others. (Let’s be honest, it also provided much of the fuel for the punk rock movement, thank goodness).

Corporations are increasingly aware of the need to chart the course to a more sustainable paradigm if they want to stay relevant to those who will be buying products, making investment decisions and working in the C-suite offices where these changes need to occur. Otherwise, the free market will direct their attention, money, and talents elsewhere.

This groundswell will continue, and new ideas for collaboration and accountability will emerge, but it will take work, persistence and the ability to hear unfamiliar points of view.

Our ultimate hope is that those who are reading Fink’s letter, and those who are not, can someday lift that quarterly report from their crowded desk, hold it before themselves and see it from a new perspective; framed within the backdrop of the places we love, the cities we live in and the people we rely on.

This is, after all, our one journey. There’s a world outside…and plenty to be done.

In the meantime, Hollywood may have to think of a new prototype for our favorite villains… but it’s a small price to pay.

Daniel S. Holt is the founder of Washington based Anchorage Partners LLC. Find them on Facebook and Twitter, and subscribe below for insights and updates.

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